DOMA arrigato, Mr (and Mrs) Supreme Courto

I will probably lose some of you with the very next sentence, and I’m fine with that.

Today the US Supreme Court, after scaring the crap out of me with their Voter’s Rights ruling on Tuesday, slapped down DOMA and California’s Prop 8 and like many, I couldn’t be happier.


If that upsets you, please come back later. Or read on, but be forewarned, my happiness at the decision isn’t likely to decrease during this column.

On a smaller scale, the decision gave me a moment to consider not just the family and friends who are one step closer to being recognized as full people by the law, but how this sort of thing impacts my kids.

After “Hi Dad” the very first thing Alpha Tween said to me when I got home from one of the more frustrating days I have had in a long time (and day three of no sugar) was “The Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage!”

He said it with an interesting combination of excitement and “well what did you expect” in his voice that brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.

On the one hand, he realizes this is monumental for human rights. He gets that this is a big deal, that as a nation we’re that much closer to the ideals this country was founded on so long ago, that people are people and liberty is deserved by all.

The kids don't quite get the disconnect. Human beings = equal rights, right?

The kids don’t quite get the disconnect. Human beings = equal rights, right?

On the other hand, he doesn’t get the fuss about two people of the same sex, who are adults and in love, being married.

That I have had to explain it to him more than once and he still is frustrated by the explanation, can’t wrap his noggin about it……

Excuse me, it’s a bit dusty in here.

There are days when, I’ll be honest, I don’t know if anyone in my house hears what I’m saying. There are times when I wonder if what I tell the boys resonates at all or if they are just politely nodding at the old man while wondering when they can get back to Harry Potter.

And then there are moments where I hear them say something simple, but profound and I realize that all I and the Wife have been striving for – to raise a pair of loving, kind and thoughtful boys who can go into the world and make a difference just by existing – it’s happening.

I’ve battled my own prejudices. I’ve held hate in my heart, even when I didn’t think I did and it was hard to open my eyes to it.

That my kids aren’t battling that makes me so happy I could fly. That I (we, really, I couldn’t do it without my wife) are able to have helped these boys build their character to a place where they truly (to paraphrase the great Doctor King) judge folks on the content of their character, not the color of their skin, their preference of partners, religion or any other surface trait.

This is not to say that the kids are perfect. Good Lord no. Not close. But it’s a sign of progress.

Which brings us back to the ruling. While I’m ecstatic about it, it almost feels like the SCOTUS knocked DOMA down on a technicality in some ways. On top of that, the explanation of the dissenters in the verdict continue the same theme we’ve heard before which seems fear based.

Here’s what I think: the only way gay marriage is hurting my marriage is…um…wait………….I got nothing.

There is no way gay marriage hurts marriage of any other kind. Nobody is going to force your church, synagogue, temple or any other house of worship to marry two men if they don’t want to. Frankly, John Barrowman of Torchwood and Doctor Who said it best – and I’m paraphrasing here because I can’t find the quote –  why would I aspire to be part of something which doesn’t want me?

There’s your geek/nerd moment for the column.

It doesn’t mean people don’t want to be married, just that if they know you disapprove, why do you think they’ll come to your place of worship to get married?

Marriage, by the way, predates your notion of marriage. And I’m talking to everyone, even my atheist and agnostic friends. Marriage has been around since before monotheistic religions. It’s not a Jewish thing, nor a Christian thing, nor a Muslim thing – it’s a people thing.

It’s morphed over the lifetime of our world, it’s morphing now and will again. It’s a way for two consenting adults to join together in love. Isn’t there little enough of that as it is?

Once it was wrong for people of opposite skin color or religion to marry. Then we realized how barbaric it was and that changed. Welcome to marriage alterations part two.

Some of you will say “but Civil Unions are the same!” They aren’t. They don’t hold the same rights and privileges and you only need to Google a bit to find things which should make anyone with a soul reconsider their stance on the subject.

I get some of you will still disagree with this. I’m not going to judge or berate you. I won’t call you names or unfriend you. I hope that one day you’ll come around, as so many who were against desegregation and other Civil Rights causes came around (most of the time).

I’ll be here waiting. So will my family and we’ll keep fighting for those who lack the same rights we are lucky enough to have.

To my many gay friends, congratulations. May your love grow ever deeper each day.

In celebration here’s a link to Same Love by Macklemore. I’d post the video here, but I don’t seem to be able to get an embed code today.


Hey, are you following Dad Moon Rising on Twitter or Facebook? Why the hell not?

4 Responses to “DOMA arrigato, Mr (and Mrs) Supreme Courto”

  1. 1 Jared Ferree
    June 26, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    Love you Garda, but the only thing I take issue with is that you mentioned people won’t be forced to marry same sex couples if they don’t want to, but if it’s accepted by the government and you refuse, you will be held liable. There have already been several lawsuits in some states filed against caterers, photographers and others who refused to serve, cater, or photograph same sex weddings.

    Also do you really think it’s tolerance when you say you won’t call me names, judge or berate me, but that you “hope one day I’ll come around”? That alone implies that you are right and I am wrong, and is a judgement.

    • June 26, 2013 at 9:35 pm

      You know, that’s a very fair point on that judgement sentence. I rewrote it several times and was never happy with it and probably should have taken it out or given it another pass. Totally right to call me on that.

      As for the legal challenges – I don’t imagine those cases (and I don’t know much about them) have a leg to stand on. The quest for marriage equality is about getting equal rights for all people – not forcing churches to marry people they don’t want to.

      It’d be like a Jewish couple trying to get married in a Catholic Church. I suppose they could sue of turned away but I’d imagine a court wouldn’t support the motion. Especially since they aren’t a part of the congregation.

      But more than anything else it’s not as if they can’t go any number of places and get a marriage which allows for all the federal and legal benefits of marriage.

      Gay people don’t or rather, they have had no place to be married (in many states) because marriage wasn’t legal.

      Anyway thanks for reading man and thanks for sharing your thoughts. You know I love you too man!

  2. 3 Alicia
    June 27, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    Yay, Dad! I think that law is so much technicality, so it doesn’t surprise me it came down to that. And really, isn’t it good that a decision was not based on moralizing from the bench? Because that can go both ways…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow me on Twitter

Enter your email for updates right to your inbox by magical email fairies named Ted and Sammy.

Join 215 other followers

What I’m Into:

Reading: Dead Beat by Jim Butcher Listening to: The Heist, Macklemore Watching: Damages

%d bloggers like this: