01
Jul
13

My Dog has a Five Foot Blast Radius

As I have said before, I am currently (among other things) a professional dog walker.

Dog: 007, licensed to poop

Dog: 007, licensed to poop

Yes, it’s as glorious and amazing in reality as it sounds when you read about it on the page.

Since I have been walking other people’s dogs I haven’t been walking our Dog as often – I try to leave it to the kids if possible. It’s not that I don’t love Dog – she’s still awesome – it’s just that I’m exhausted from walking five dogs which aren’t my own, three of which vastly outweigh not only my own dog, but one of my kids.

But two of the dogs I was walking are done for the summer and I do enjoy walking around our own neighborhood, so I have been taking Dog for more walks.

Last week, I took her on a short one just down one of the little streets right near our house. It’s not even a quarter mile walk I’d say, so it’s really about getting her out of the house and going to the bathroom more than her getting more exercise.

We rounded the corner just as an older gentleman came out of his house and walked around the corner with us, towards his back yard.

At this point Dog wagged a tail at him and then pulled over to the grass between the street and sidewalk and squatted down to poop.

As she stood there doing her thing, I could see the older gentleman out of the corner of my eye as he unrolled a hose along the side of the house.

What I didn’t see is him wind up and toss the hose over a bus, whipping just over my head.

I was startled – but not as much as Dog.

In mid-poop, Dog leaped into the air, barking.

She spun in mid-air, poop sailing away from her butt and landing next to her in the street as she barked in multiple different directions at once.

This brings up an important point – when threatened the Dog will react not just with aggressive barking but fire off crap in a five foot radius as she is jumping.

So if you’re going to throw a hose over my dog’s head, please make sure you clear theĀ  blast radius.

Hey, are you following Dad Moon Rising on Twitter or Facebook? Why the hell not?

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Reading: Dead Beat by Jim Butcher Listening to: The Heist, Macklemore Watching: Damages

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