Archive for the 'DOG' Category


Why have one dog when you can have two?

So I had another piece ready to run today, but then we acquired a new family member.

Meet Theoden Hoover, Lord of the Westside.

AKA “Teddy Westside” to his close friends.

And there is so much nerd in that name it’s stunning.

Teddy Westside is currently settling down after somewhat long night where he woke up at 3am and decided things were really freaking strange now and he decided to rectify that by playing. So we ended up crating him and finally got back to sleep.

Why, you ask was Lord Westside not crated to begin with?

Well, because he was, but then he started crying and I am an enormous sucker for whining dogs. So I laid down on our futon in the office with him next to me and then, well, 3am came pretty quickly.

Dog: 007, licensed to poop

Dog: 007, licensed to poop

Until now I’ve referred to our first dog as Dog on this site. But now we have two dogs and it seems like a pain to refer to Dog and Other Dog. So I’m calling them by their proper names—you’ve met Teddy now, and you will remember our original Dog aka Lady Minerva Higgenbothen aka Minnie to everyone but my wife.

What about these names, right? Well, we were watching too much Downton Abbey when we got Minnie and while the boys and I had great ideas for name, we were overruled.  But we’ve come to love her very unusual name in part because she is 100% not a lady in any way.

Hence the mask and super-hero look in the picture above.

Teddy was named Teddy already. He is a rescue dog who had been surrendered a few months ago. From what we are told, Teddy was kept in a small apartment and (probably) never let outside. He has spent the last couple of months with Aime, his very awesome foster owner learning what outside was and catching up on doggie things like leashes and Kong toys.

Meeting Teddy was love at first sight, and he was great with both Minnie and the kids. So by the time we left the foster apartment, Teddy was already part of the family.

But one we felt needed a last name—and indeed a fancier name because Teddy had to be short for something, right?

We tried on a few things, somewhat inspired by Jenny Lawson, the one and only Bloggess (who you should be reading if you already don’t) who has named her cats things like Hunter S. Thomcat and Ferris Mewler. However we couldn’t come up with a good dog-related play on words involving Teddy or Theodore or Edward, se we just went a whole different direction—full speed, nerd ahead as it were.

It’s Theoden for this fellow:

image via wikipedia

Hoover because he vacuums anything up at any time and eats it.

And Lord of the Westside because Theoden was Lord of the Westfold and also because of this guy here:

image via – wait for it –

If Teddy had been a cat, Ted Mewsby would have totally worked. And we’re not getting into the final episode of How I Met Your Mother because 1) we haven’t watched most of the season and 2) it seems to have sucked by a magnitude of eleventy-billion.

Anyway kids, that’s the story of How I Met Your Dog Teddy.

Currently Minnie and Teddy Westside are sleeping but have been battling it out to see who is in charge. Turns out Minnis is a real bitch.

I mean, she was anyway in the literal sense but she’s being a real asshole to Teddy now so it works both ways.

That’ll change though and we are super-excited to have Teddy with us in the Dad Moon Rising household.


There’s No Page on Having to Wipe Your Dog’s Butt in the Ownership Manual

She hasn't actually been to Colorado

She hasn’t actually been to Colorado

You can look up how to take care of a pet on the internet and find all sorts of useful tips and warnings.

None of them say anything about having to wipe your dog’s ass.

And yet I found myself doing that last week.

Now, I was fully committed to wiping the kid’s butts. Hell, I’ve done it for kids who weren’t mine.

Dogs though? No, that wasn’t in the manual.

Runny poop? Not in the manual.

Of course, it’s better than crap smeared on the rug or couch I suppose.

It’s not all bad. Dog is very entertaining.

Here she is, thinking she is a hobbit.



And here she is befriending a bug.

*sigh* It doesn't talk much but it seems nice.

*sigh* It doesn’t talk much but it seems nice.

It’s a damned good thing she’s cute.

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My Dog Murders Innocent Dog Toys

You try to raise them right. It’s all you can do, isn’t it?

And yet then they turn into murdering nutjobs, spreading chaos and death across the whole house.

Not the kids, I mean the dog.

Dog has claimed another victim in her never-ending fight to destroy any and all squeaking stuffed toys put in her way.

This weekend, Bacon the Pig bit the dust. Dog was working on his (her? it? I never asked) ear and finally tore it off on Friday. She then pulled stuffing out on Saturday, I can only imagine attempting to divine the future from his fluffy innards.

He was buried in the garbage Saturday night after a small candlelit ceremony which took place only in my head because come on people he was a dog toy.

Farewell porker.....

Farewell porker…..

Farewell Bacon. Enjoy that great big dog toy park in the sky.

Bacon is survived by Roadkill the Squirrel, Ferret, three dog bones, Mr. Moose and some balls.

Dog is currently sleeping on the futon in the office.

One can only assume she is merely biding her time before she strikes again.

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My Dog is NOT A PRINCESS. Dammit.

We take Dog to the same groomer pretty much each month. As a “hair dog” (a dog with hair, not fur), she needs to grooming, especially when it’s a billion degrees and 120% humidity outside.

They do a great job with her, but we have one complaint.

They keep putting bows on her.




She’s a rough and tumble pup. She wrestles, she nips, she runs and generally acts like a nutball.

She is not a “girly girl” dog who requires frilly frivolity.

She does have a bow tie, but that’s fashion. And besides, bow ties are cool.

This guy knows. (image via

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My Dog has a Five Foot Blast Radius

As I have said before, I am currently (among other things) a professional dog walker.

Dog: 007, licensed to poop

Dog: 007, licensed to poop

Yes, it’s as glorious and amazing in reality as it sounds when you read about it on the page.

Since I have been walking other people’s dogs I haven’t been walking our Dog as often – I try to leave it to the kids if possible. It’s not that I don’t love Dog – she’s still awesome – it’s just that I’m exhausted from walking five dogs which aren’t my own, three of which vastly outweigh not only my own dog, but one of my kids.

But two of the dogs I was walking are done for the summer and I do enjoy walking around our own neighborhood, so I have been taking Dog for more walks.

Last week, I took her on a short one just down one of the little streets right near our house. It’s not even a quarter mile walk I’d say, so it’s really about getting her out of the house and going to the bathroom more than her getting more exercise.

We rounded the corner just as an older gentleman came out of his house and walked around the corner with us, towards his back yard.

At this point Dog wagged a tail at him and then pulled over to the grass between the street and sidewalk and squatted down to poop.

As she stood there doing her thing, I could see the older gentleman out of the corner of my eye as he unrolled a hose along the side of the house.

What I didn’t see is him wind up and toss the hose over a bus, whipping just over my head.

I was startled – but not as much as Dog.

In mid-poop, Dog leaped into the air, barking.

She spun in mid-air, poop sailing away from her butt and landing next to her in the street as she barked in multiple different directions at once.

This brings up an important point – when threatened the Dog will react not just with aggressive barking but fire off crap in a five foot radius as she is jumping.

So if you’re going to throw a hose over my dog’s head, please make sure you clear the  blast radius.

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Reading: Dead Beat by Jim Butcher Listening to: The Heist, Macklemore Watching: Damages