Archive for the 'Oh yeah: Marriage Stuff' Category



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So my wife has started working home more often. We share an office in the house, so we’ve been in each other’s space a lot more, which has actually been fine, save for when she is on a client call and I’m doing a radio spot—in which case one of us has to leave.

Anyway, it also affords us the time to have conversations like the one which led me to discover that yes, I have the ability to SEE THE FUTURE.

Here’s yesterday’s conversation so you have some background.

And then prepare to be blown away.



Me: Man it’s cold. It seems cold enough to snow.

Her: It’s not.

Me: I’m not saying it is, I’m saying it feels like it.

Her: It’s 50 degrees.

Me: It’s almost cold enough…..

Her: <laughter>

Me: What?

Her: Yeah, it’s only 20 degrees too warm.

Me: I don’t like you or your logic anymore.

Here’s the thing—I woke up this morning and it was totally cold. I have proof.



So here it is a day later and totally almost cold enough to snow, maybe.

You know what this means? That’s right! I CAN SEE INTO THE FUTURE.

Clearly I wasn’t really thinking yesterday was cold enough to snow—I was seeing through the space-time vortex into Thursday morning.

And here’s more proof it is cold enough to be cold.



That white stuff? Totally frost.



And look! Frost on the playground.



In case you can’t see, the above is a closeup of frost. I tried to get a picture of my breath but couldn’t get it to work but it was absolutely cold enough to see my breath.

Holy crap you guys! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

How awesome is this? I can now do all sorts of things with my future-sight. I can stop crimes before they happen. I can win bets on sports events. I can figure out when the last donut is going to be eaten and get there first.

I promise you guys I will only use my powers for mostly good things though (mostly good because I’m only human—OR AM I?) and not for evil (MOSTLY BECAUSE I AM ONLY SORT OF HUMAN).

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Two Whistles, No Waiting

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As you know, I’ve been coaching Pop Warner football since the beginning of August.

It’s been a rough season so far, which I’ll elaborate about at a later date, but a lot of fun.

Meanwhile, The Professor is getting ready for his soccer season and the league is short coaches.

Bravely, kindly (perhaps unwisely) my wife volunteered to be an assistant coach, making sure to mention she had only the vaguest ideas of how to play the game but could, in her words “herd the heck out of kids.”

There was no communication from whoever runs the league, so she assumed they didn’t need her after all.

She then got an email saying not only did they need her, but that they were still short head coaches and now some assistant coaches would be paired together to act as a co-coach.

She immediately knew she’d be one of the lucky assistants designated as a co-coach.

And she was.

She reached out to her partner, saying “hey I don’t know what the Hell I am doing, please help” and found out that her partner didn’t have the time to fully coach.

Getting the idea that this is going to go well?

On the upside, The Professor is thrilled she is coaching and we now have two whistles in the house.

This is possibly the greatest event in the history of our family.

No more do we need to shout across the house for the boys. We just whistle.

Didn’t clean up your room? Whistle.

Left your socks in the living room? Whistle.

Ate the last cookie? Two whistles.

In fact, mornings will get much more organized. Either of us can sneak upstairs and start blowing our whistles to wake the boys up!

And it’s all on the up-and-up. All official. Because we’re both coaches and as coaches, are duly licensed users of whistles.

There’s no stopping us.

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Shhhhhh She’s Watching Doctor Who……

image via the Coventry Telegraph

So as we speak The Wife—my wonderful, charming wife—is watching the first season of the reboot of Doctor Who.

I think she’s four or so episodes in.

I’m afraid to go watch with her and disturb the vibe. I think she’s enjoying it.

It’ll get to the Daleks at some point and she’ll skip the episode because the voices hurt her ears, but the boys in the house are hopeful the watching continues.

I’m pretty sure if she gets through Eccleston and into Tennant we’ll have her!

And then she will never escape!

She’s a geek girl, mind you so Doctor Who was an inevitability but she fought it because—well it can be awfully goofy. And the Dalek voices are grating.

But she got talked into the Battlestar Galactica reboot, Shaun of the Dead and Torchwood, loves both the book and television versions of Game of Thrones, reads Harry Dresden books and bought me all three movie posters of the Lord of the Rings flicks—then  framed them. She’s a huge Firefly fan.

So as The Agent said to Neo in The Matrix:

It was only a matter of time before the Big Blue Box sucked her in.


pps- I hope they go in a whole new direction – a female or non-white Doctor. Would be fun.

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My Wife is an Entrepreneurial Genius

When I returned from dropping my wife off at the train station this morning, I opened the freezer in the hopes of grabbing some ice for a delicious glass of water.

What I found initially was one tray of still-freezing cubes and another filled with a brown frozen substance. After a moment of early morning confusion which included me wondering if she had accidentally spilled something into the tray and didn’t see it, I decided two things.

1) It was definitely coffee.

2) It was probably on purpose.

So I texted her. Here’s how that conversation went.

 photo IceCubmadness_zps38673759.jpg

We then had a longer conversation via phone because texting takes too long whereas I explained I had never seen such madness before and that her idea was a groundbreaking moneymaker for the family.

“What,” you say, “I can have iced cubes of coffee in my iced coffee?”


Genius, right?

So I’m going to let you all in on the ground floor here because I figure there is a ton of money to be made.

Think about it.

With Iced Coffee Cubes (TM) you can add coldness to your coffee and not water it down with things like water.

With Iced Coffee Cubes (TM) you can add coffee flavor to boring old water while making it cold.

Or, for the person on the go, with Iced Coffee Cubes (TM) you can just grab a pop it in you mouth when you’re running late and don’t have time to make coffee.

This is a license to print money. My wife is brilliant.

Get Don Draper on the phone.

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Last night The Wife and I had something we—and many parents—don’t get enough of.

A grown-up night out!

IS this how you ruin art? Put my mug in front of it?

IS this how you ruin art? Put my mug in front of it?

My cousin was in town for her wife’s art show (you can check her fantastic work out here) and we were invited to the opening (although it’s technically been open since late June).

Kids were not invited (technically—as always there were some there) but we hadn’t really considered bringing them anyway. Alpha Tween is a good sitter so we knew we could attend without having to entertain Omega Child, who would have had fun for about ten minutes and then started complaining about standing.

So I joined my wife at Penn Station, then headed into Chelsea for the show. I don’t get to see my cousin much at all (last time had to be five or six years ago) as we don’t get out to Portland where they live often and they can’t make it out here a lot.

My parents were there, along with my brother and sister in law and aunt.

Afterwards, we went to a late dinner with my brother and his wife.

At some point during the evening it occurred to both of us that we could do this more often. It’s not like we intentionally limit ourselves, but I think subconsciously we don’t plan nights out because we’re busy and we aren’t used to leaving the kids alone.

There’s a pub down the street from where we live but we’ve only gone once or twice. As we walked to catch a train home, The Wife turned and said “We really should go down for a drink more often.”

And she’s right, there’s no reason not to.

We had a fantastic night last night, enjoyed some great art, talked with family and enjoyed each other.

At some point you have to start putting your life back in gear. I don’t mean work, I mean stuff you and your husband or wife used to do for yourselves.

Mmmmm tasty.

Mmmmm tasty.

I find we put that on hold sometimes without realizing it.

As parents, our kids will always be a high priority. However we need to be a priority as well.

If you’re staying home with the kids and/or working from home, your job isn’t easy. My job is no less challenging than my wife’s because she’s out of the house more.

However I can, as the stay-at-home dad, arrange things so we can get out. Set things up so she can just come home and we can take off.

I can make that happen and it’s vital, I think, to do more of it.

So that’s my pledge: to get more things moving, us out of the house and make things easy for her to say “yes, let’s hop down the street/grab dinner/see a movie.”

As a stay-at-home dad, it’s easy to focus on just the kids.

Sometimes I have to remember to make sure I focus on the marriage just as much.

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What I’m Into:

Reading: Dead Beat by Jim Butcher Listening to: The Heist, Macklemore Watching: Damages