The Professor Thinks He’s Funny

art by Alpha Tween who, I am shocked, knows who Mr T is.

So by and large, I ignore April Fools Day and it ignores me. My family isn’t big on practical jokes because we’re goofy 24/7/365.

We don’t need a special day to celebrate it, you know?

This morning I went downstairs to wake the kids up, as I normally do. Lately, I have been finding The Professor under his comforter on the floor, because he’s apparently too good for beds. Seriously, this kid might as well use his bed for kindling, for all the use he’s getting out of it right now. So I was by no means surprised to find him under a lump of covers and a comforter on the floor again this morning.

Keep in mind, my eyes started at the bed, saw just two pillows laying against the wall (he props himself up to sleep) and then saw the comforter. It’s not like I didn’t look at the bed.

So I reached down and started to pull back the covers when—BLAMMO—the pillows on the bed burst apart, and a small child flew out of nowhere yelling APRIL FOOLS.

It turns out he woke up early (without an alarm clock, which is amazing all by itself), decided on multiple places he could hide, finally settled on one and got set up. He then waited for me to come downstairs and sprung his trap. My wife is probably pretty lucky she wasn’t the one who woke him up—she’d have had a heart attack.

I’ll give the kid credit—it was a good prank. Jokes on him though, because I know he can get his ass up and out of bed with no help from me.

 

Alpha Tween’s Poetry Corner

Howdy folks!

I’m writing this to you from Mobile, Alabama, where I am covering the 2014 Senior Bowl for my day job.

Recently, Alpha Tween has been writing poetry in school and he asked if I would share some of it with you. So, this week I’ll be posting some of his work here at Dad Moon Rising. It’s pretty good stuff, and it’s interesting to watch his “writing voice” start to form itself.

This poem both I and my wife found particularly moving, as it shows just how aware he is of the world he lives in and how what happens in it impacts his life.

Enjoy.

In spirit

I am Trayvon Martin

I am Sandy Hook

I am 9/11

And the Holocaust

And all the people in impoverished countries

Though nameless they may be in my poem

Are not nameless in my heart

I am the people who died for no reason

Other than that someone else had a thought

From racism

To pure insanity

I am just that someone couldn’t get by

I am one of the people who remember

When others have moved on

I am one of the people who see

What others overlook

I am in spirit.

My Son Wants a Hogwarts Scholarship

So, as you know (or maybe not), I write about the NFL for a living.

As I watched the Sunday Night Football game between the Carolina Panthers and New Orleans Saints, the players were introduced to the TV audience by a little video presentation along the bottom of the screen.

During the first or second series of plays, the defense and offense of each team get a moment to say their name and what college they went to. I’m not sure why but it’s nice advertising for the universities, most of which don’t really need it.

Sometimes players will say their high school sometimes and some will make stuff up.

Sunday night, we saw this:

Alpha Tween was up at the time and I thought it was amusing so I told both he and my wife about it. Nobody found it quite as funny as I did but when the video popped up on Twitter and YouTube I dragged him into the office anyway.

He watched and laughed then looked thoughtful for a moment.

Alpha: “What if it was real? What if he really did go to Hogwarts?”

Me: “That’d be awesome.”

Alpha: “I could get a scholarship.”

So that’s the agenda now. Hell if Harry Potter and Greg Hardy could get scholarships to the Big H, why not my boy?

He’d look good in Gryffindor scarlet.

UPDATE:

Because the Internet is Awesome, it’s already updated Hardy’s Wikipedia page:

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Sometimes Kids Will Surprise You aka My Child Has Become Socially Conscious

My kids are a constant source of surprises.

Sometimes those surprises are terrifying but for the most part, they are cause for wonder and joy.

Over the last two months Alpha Tween has lamented to me that he isn’t “doing enough with his life.”

I have a very hard time wrapping my head around a 12 year old “not doing enough with his life” and when I’ve pushed him, it’s more that he isn’t doing enough for other people (charity work or helping his fellow man) more than he’s not experiencing life.

My wife tells me that it’s not uncommon for kids in middle school to become more motivated to change the world. I can’t speak to that—either because my memory is bad and I can’t remember worrying like this or because I was insanely shallow.

I’m fine with either, by the way.

But I’m told some kids go through this. I’ve offered suggestions in the past about how he could donate time and effort but I get the sense that everything seems too big to tackle head on right now—plus he’s in school on an extended schedule (8:20 am to 4:10 Monday-Thursday) and is constantly worried about getting other things taken care of in his free time.

So it shouldn’t surprise me—though it did—that when he wrote out a list of things he’d like for Christmas “donations to charities” was on the list.

I overheard my wife pressing him a bit as to what charities he’d want people to donate to and why—to think carefully and research where he wants money to go to so that he knows it’s being used effectively.

Right now he’s thinking about the Make-A-Wish Foundation (he was captivated by the Batkid story from a couple weeks back) and a Save the Rainforest charity.

I’m really proud of him. I’m not saying he decided “no presents for me, thanks” or anything—he still wants a Nerf gun and video games—but it’s heartening to see him care about others.

He always has—he’s an empathetic kid and we raise him in a house which is filled with discussions about all sorts of social issues.

As I see him becoming a man, things like this make he very happy with who he is going to be.

I think it’s rare and worthy of comment when a kid decides something like this is important enough to put on a Christmas list.

And given how much we’ve lost touch with what Christmas is supposed to be about—the giving and not the receiving—it’s heartening.

I don’t expect things like this.

But surprises like this are a wonderful bonus of being a dad.

Hey, are you following Dad Moon Rising on Twitter or Facebook? Why the hell not?

It’s a Dad Knock Life

Every Sunday I retreat to my office to watch football.

For my job. Really, I swear. It’s a hardship.

This weekend, after she had come into the office to talk several times, my wife told me she was closing the door to stop herself (and more importantly, the kids) from interrupting me from my vital work.

(Seriously, it is work.)

That really didn’t stop the interruptions, though it limited them.

After interruption 1,746, there came a knock on the office door.

Me: *sigh* Yes?

The door opens and The Professor’s head pokes in.

Me: What do you need, bub?

Professor: Well…….why do you have the door closed?

Me: Mom closed it so I wouldn’t be interrupted while I work.

Professor: Oh. Is that something that happens?

I stared at him, figuring he was making a joke. He was not.

I love my son. Sometimes I might want to strangle him, but I love my son.

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It’s Really a Valid Question

I heard a very adorable thing on the walk back from dropping the Professor off at school.

I was passing the duck lake in the park across the street from the school when I passed a little boy—probably a kindergartener—and his father.

The boy was looking at the water, filled with geese and ducks, holding his father’s hand.

Boy: Yeah but are there ALLIGATORS in there?

Adorable AND asking a perfectly legitimate question. I don’t have the answer for sure, which is bad because that’s something I ought to know, right?

Hey, are you following Dad Moon Rising on Twitter or Facebook? Why the hell not?

He’s Not Wrong

Today I was on Facebook looking at the endless stream of very adorable baby pictures of my friend and his wife’s new boy when the Professor wandered into the office.

Him: Where’d you get all those baby pictures?

Me: Oh, they’re on Facebook.

Him: *sigh* EVERYTHING is on Facebook these days.

Remember when Facebook was this amazing technology which let us keep in contact with friends both past and present?

Apparently the kids are “over” it now.

Hey, are you following Dad Moon Rising on Twitter or Facebook? Why the hell not?

 

I’m Not Sure the Professor Was Talking About Math

There’s a large pond (almost a lake – maybe a Pake? A Lond? I don’t know, it’s a ‘Tweener’.) near us which was drained, dredged and generally beautified over the summer. They finally put the water back in about three weeks ago and it was – rather instantaneously – filled with weird muck.

We drove past the pond not long ago and the Professor noticed the muck. The result is captured in vivid Dad-Moon-O-Vision (copyright 2013) above.

I’m not sure he was talking about math, but perhaps the local geese were into algebra and the Professor was just more perceptive than Alpha Tween or I.

The “algebra” has since been cleared, maybe for some science or word problems.

Hey, are you following Dad Moon Rising on Twitter or Facebook? Why the hell not?

Jack-of-All-Trades, Master of an Axe

Here is a conversation which took place at dinner with the extended family last night. It involves The Professor and my uncle, who is a firefighter down in Florida.

This is paraphrased because it was told to me secondhand, but it seems to have started when The Professor asked my uncle what he did.

Uncle: I’m a firefighter, EMT and a teacher.

Professor: Shouldn’t you just stick to one thing and do it right?

If you think about it, it’s a fair question since we’re constantly on him to focus on one thing at a time. On the other hand, it’s not exactly the most polite thing he’s ever said.

Also there was this gem:

Professor: So if you’re an EMT, a teacher and a firefighter, do you chop students up so they can get shown how to be put back together?

I have no idea where he gets this stuff.

Hey, are you following Dad Moon Rising on Twitter or Facebook? Why the hell not?

Neither of Us Know What is Going On

I’ll have some more various thoughts about coaching later this week, but for now, here’s a funny Alpha Tween moment.

My son has, for the entirety of Summer, been expecting a packet from his school detailing what classes will have, as well as books he is supposed to read.

He’s been very anxious because said packet has yet to surface. We’ve told him over and over not to worry but—well he’s my son.

That’s how I roll.

Anyway, at the end of today’s football practice we sent all the kids to carry equipment to the field house while the coaches stood around and chatted.

All the kids came back, but I didn’t see Alpha anywhere.

I waited and waited until finally I saw him walking across the field with another boy.

As they drew near they waved goodbye and my son made his way over to me.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“Oh, that was a guy I know from school,” was his reply.

A few moments of silence went by as we walked to the car.

Then he said, “He hasn’t gotten his packet either.”

He looked at me and shook his head.

“I don’t know WHAT is going on over there….”

Neither do I son, neither do I.

Hey, are you following Dad Moon Rising on Twitter or Facebook? Why the hell not?